c a r p e n o c t e m.

what she means: i still don't understand why nicky hemmick is so often relegated to the sidelines. simplified. minimized. i mean, if we just review the basics, nicky hemmick is a mexican-american, openly lgbt boy that grew up in a toxic environment. he grew up hating himself and thinking he was something disgusting, something unspeakably wrong. it's the most common form of abuse through the medium of religion and "this is for your own good" logic. how long did he believe that? how long was that "sunrise, abram, death"? how much did the depression and anxiety eat away until erik? then there's: "[erik] showed me how to balance my faith and my sexuality" which means that nicky had to learn for himself that religion and sexuality are not mutually exclusive, which possibly took months, if not years, for him to completely process and accept after a lifetime of the opposite being brutally beaten into him. and the worst part is, he can't bring himself to hate his parents, even after everything, which means two things: the first is he's not that different from the twins and even neil, who grapple with loving the person that hurt them. the second is that nicky hemmick grew up in a place and, frankly, lives in a place where he has every reason to end up cruel. but he isn't. he loves quickly and unconditionally. he loves and feels strongly. he loves in all the ways he was never loved.